dead already.

9:54 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

totally miss my childhood so much.
i love dumbo.

2:30 AM

i wish i could say everything out.
i wish i could put my thoughts into words.
i wish i could not fall into it again and again.

and sometimes what you think,
what you hope for at the end of the week,
what you wish to return to,
isn't something that you want,
or imagined it to be.
they aren't that welcoming afterall,
and you feel as if you don't belong anywhere.

and it feels like you're just caught in the middle,
with no ground to stand on.

but i stand on You,
don't i?
and there is no fear in perfect love.
how then do i deal with all these inside me?
show yourself strong.
because i am too weak to fight on any longer.

is weakness something to be looked upon with disdain?
is kindness something that is despised,
or taken for granted?
is love something to be used, wrung dry,
and discarded away?
tell me.
and i will.

you look forward to going home,
and yet,
to an empty one.
how can you feel all alone in a crowd of people?
invisible in a roomful of humans.
or things thrown through you.
am i playing mind games with myself?


i cannot
correlate love to absence.

but who then
am i,
to define love.
for i have not loved,
as much as You have.
or offered,
as much as You did.

i cannot
come to terms with it.






what memories do i hold?
what keys do i hold
that unlock the past?
what hurts have i not let you heal?
what clots i have yet to discover?
what knots i've yet to untangle?


my eyes are tired from crying.
the patheticness of doing what i did in the morning.
so,
blow.

blow them away.

i have questions
without answers
i've known sorrow
i have known pain
but there's one thing
that i'll cling to
You are faithful
Jesus You're true

when hope is lost
i'll call You Saviour
when pain surrounds
i'll call You Healer
when silence falls
You'll be the song within my heart.

when the tears fall
Lord, are You there?

Labels: You are faithful.

12:52 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

dont you dare come and judge me.

you're hardly around and hardly even a part of my life.

11:58 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

why does it seem sometimes you're the only one who walks the streets?
and when you have to smile and say everything's alright.
and bus rides seem so nice and long,
but the intensity of the thoughts as they run through your mind
and not let you get any rest.

don't be surprised if i collapse
down at Your feet again.

cause i'm waiting for tonight.
then waiting for tomorrow.
why is real,
just a dream.

and you always walk in,
and out.
do you come and take whatever there is,
then walk away?
or am i reading something that isn't meant to be read.

why do i feel like a paper bag from Forever Friends or smth.

hmm. mayb i shuld be a paper bag from Calvin Klein.
CK. my initials.


laughs.

frowns.
and the race never ends huh.

malay down.
now Mdm Chin to deal with.

but my mind refuses to.
or my body.
but i dont have a choice do i?

and here i am wasting my time typing this.
when i should be bathing and doing Mdm Chin.

show me another way.

why do i feel like you're in the stars
and i am the weed in the field.
i can only stare up
and not touch you or feel you.

we are in separate worlds
and i can't put my finger on you.
but you never let me, do you?

you call me away.
from myself
to give my heart away
every single day
and i'm lost
yeah i'm lost,
so lost.

would you come and find me?
search and hunt,
and climb the highest stairway just to get me?
dig, crawl under,
get yourself dirty
just to find me?

and oh i pray.

Labels: rant.

12:03 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

hope like no other
reaches to me.

You are my strength.
when i am weak,
so weak.

3:25 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

how far are you?
how close am i?
i know you'll never leave.

the start of another week.

i fell asleep on my floor today.
for a short and yet troubling 10 min.
i woke with you in my dreams again.
sighs.
can i not spend one day without a haunt?
and i felt like sleeping even more.
my mind played all the possible thoughts and scenes that could possibly happen.

haha.

thankfully i got up.
thank you dear adora for giving me a wake-up call!

and set off to school for mtg.
and it was a nice windy walk to science.

i have never walked on water
felt the waves beneath my feet
but
at Your word Lord
i receive Your faith
to walk on oceans deep.

and i remember
how You found me
in the very same place
all my failings
surely would have drowned me
still You made a way.

You are my freedom
Jesus, You're the reason
i'm kneeling again at Your throne
where would i be
without You
here in my life
here in my life.

and i cry.
my tears fall.

crumble to the ground.

and i went home,
and hugged everyone.
dad was so surprised and he had a bewildered look on his face.
"what happened to her?"
i couldn't care less.
and saved the tears in my nasocrinal ducts.
it just felt so good to be home.

sighs.

life is a riddle.
and im so glad You hold the answer to it.

smiles.

guide me along.


i'm so scared that i don't show it.
but Your courage asked me what i was afraid of.

Labels: the Lion and the Lamb.

7:53 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

carry me
i'm just a dead man
lying on the carpet
can't find a heartbeat
make me breathe.

you're my feet when i can't move on.

if only chocolates could make you feel better
and not make you fat.
if only chips could ease the itch in my mouth
and not make me fat.
if only ice cream and brownie could be "hmmm-mmmm~"
and not make me fat.

hah.
if only.

when you try your best but you don't succeed
when you get what you what but not what you need
when you feel so tired but you can't sleep
stuck in reverse.

so i'm holding onto You.

and you think i'm beautiful?

Labels: c'mon. blow me away.

1:02 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

Youre all smiles and silly conversation
As if this sunny day came just for you
You twist your hair, you smile, and you turn your eyes away
Cmon, tell me whats right with you
Now it dawns on me probably everybodys talkin
And theres something here Im supposed to realize
Cause your secrets out, and the universe laughs at its joke on me
I just caught it in your eyes, its a beautiful surprise

When did you fall in love with me?
Was it out of the blue
Cause I swear I never knew it
When did you let your heart run free?
Have you been waiting long?
When did you fall in love with me?
When did you fall in love?

Make your way over here, sit down by this fool, and lets rewind
Cmon, lets go back and replay all our scenes
You can point out the hints, the clues, the twists and the smiles this time
All the ones that slipped by me
I bet my face is red, and you can hear my heart poundin
Well I guess it dont matter now that I realize
Cause baby I missed it then, but I can surely see you now
Right here before my eyes
Youre my beautiful surprise

When did you fall in love with me?
Was it out of the blue
Cause I swear I never knew it
When did you let your heart run free?
Have you been waiting long?
When did you fall in love with me?
When did you fall in love?

Was it at the coffee shop
Or that morning at the bus stop
When you almost slipped, and I caught your hand
Or the time we built the snowman
The day at the beach, sandy and warm
Or the night with the scary thunderstorm
I never saw the signs
Now weve got to make up for lost time
And I can tell now by the way that youre looking at me
Id better finish this song so my lips will be free

Have you been waiting long, when did you fall in love
I kept you waiting so long, when did you fall
Have you been waiting long
When did you fall in love with me
When did you fall in love?

-When did you fall
Chris Rice

Labels: for lack of words.

1:46 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

you came in my dreams
and haunted me.
a figure of my past,
or so i thought.
that smile of yours;
do i miss it?

i walk along the same road,
and saw you too.
seemed like a lifetime ago;
all too soon that went past.
what was it that i saw?


my stomach feels weird.
the air inside is having a bit of fun.

-muses

what broken promises i've made,
and still keep them in my heart;
playing again and again
over in my mind.
but do they matter?

i can only wait at your feet.

i'll give thanks to You
with gratitude
for lessons learnt and
how to thirst for You.

come out to meet you
tell you i'm sorry
you don't know how lovely you are.

Labels: nobody said it was easy.

11:07 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

my song shall be of Jesus;
when sitting at His feet,
i call to mind His goodness
in meditation sweet:
my song shall be of Jesus,
whatever ill betide;
i'll sing the grace that saves me,
and keeps me at His side.

what a weekend.

and i feel like i'm back at square one.
it passed too fast for me.
):

sad sad face.

school is back.
im not looking forward to it.

because it reminds me of failure.
and it isn't a very happy or fun thing to be happy about.

and i've made many best friends over the weekend:

1) Clinical Pharmacology for nurses
2) Nurses dictionary-McgrawHill
3) Guyton Physiology

look at the smile on my face.

and i want to press on for you.
to read your word so so much more.
help me to fix my eyes on the things unseen and
on what is eternal.
for the pleasures of this world,
i want to count them as loss.

draw me closer to you,
reveal the deceitfulness of my heart.
show me what i must change, surrender, put off.
refine me Lord through the flame.


shudders. i dont look forward to being another year older.
and the next.

when we are weak,
we are very strong.

Labels: with thoughts and all; help me to love you.

10:06 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

i ran along the corridor for fear of the big bugs that had nothing better to do than to fly and crawl along the floor.
all the way to my room,
a watchful eye for any sudden movements.

i made friends with the cool night air
that came with the rain.
but for fear of the flying bigs,
i did not allow it to come in my room
and shut the door.

what do i open the door of my heart to?
can you help me close it?

rid me of myself.

Labels: i ran.

12:58 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord,
to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence,
reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and
we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences,
the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or
are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

Labels: caught in empty space.

11:58 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

i want to sing,
and play the guitar,
and write beautiful songs.

hmms.
seems like an impossible thing to do now.

sighs.

been having many good talks and thoughts.
but.

oh dear.
not much productivity.

dear Lord,
you see the deep within me.
and you love me!
i'm still so amazed.

"the beauty within."


and once again,
im really taken away.

you saw my need,
my longing.
my failure, and struggle.
and you met it.

1 peter 3:3,4

my heart is heavy.
oh lift it up,
and i leave my skin.
i gaze from my window
the tree in the savanna.

let me love you more
hear a little more
pray a little more.

take this heart of mine
but oh,
it's so filthy.
staring at my empty hands
you took it
yeah you take it

help me live this life.

i had a dream.

5:41 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

shout it out (:

-

all the brothers and sisters

-

of old.

-

credits.

-

wonderful people

-